You vs. me

Something I continuously struggle with and one of my biggest issues is the struggle between making myself happy and making others happy.

I am a people pleaser. I do not like when people are upset or mad me. I don't particularly like confrontation. I like peace and calm and I try to keep the peace by making sure everyone around me is happy.

At the same time, I always try to make me happy too. I am unpleasant and no fun to be around when I am not happy. And of course it doesn't feel good to not be happy.

I realize these two ideas contradict each other in various ways. But I think it's a struggle we all face, sometimes even on a daily basis. For me, I like to be there for people. I like helping people. And sometimes I think I put people's happiness before my own and then feed off of their happiness instead of finding my own and rising on that. It's really hard for me to make the decision to say, I have to think about me now. I know this will affect people and it might be in a negative manner, but for my own sake I have to make these decisions.

Currently, this decision has to do with my work. I recently got something of a a job promotion and I will be adding personal training to fitness resume on top of teaching group ex classes. It's a really good thing but it also means major changes in my life and in my schedule. As I train more, I will have to cut back on classes. This I'm ok with. I'm currently teaching too much and it's starting to take it's toll. I'm welcoming of this transition but my issue is that it will affect my current students. I love all of my different groups and leaving them is sort of like breaking up in a way. I'm really struggling with which classes to give up because I'm torn between what I need to do for me and what I want to do for others. As much as I love having a lot of control over my schedule, it's sometimes incredibly challenging.

I know it's the time to make decisions for me. This is about my future and I have to put me first. Here's to the strength to know when to make me a priority.