What's your road to happiness?

I just heard that question on a commercial. Normally, I hate commercials. I think they are dumb and not entertaining. Instead of interesting me, they make me want to throw things at the tv. But I digress.....this commercial asked, "What is your road to happiness?"

Ironic, as I've been asking myself this question a lot recently.

It has been brought my attention that sometimes I look for happiness in the wrong places. I reach out and grab on for dear life to things I wish beyond wishing will bring me happiness, but in the end they bring more heartache to pile on. I'm left confused and unhappy wondering 1. how on earth this happened again? and 2. what is wrong with me?

Part of the problem is simple. I am looking outside myself for happiness. Instead of taking a real, serious look at me and figuring me out, I'm looking outside and trying to get other people or other things to fill in the happiness holes. I am, unfortunately, one of the people who is blessed with choosing really lousy men to date. That's a big one. I also refuse to accept when something is not right and I hold on too long. There's really no coming back from that. But it's not just men. Sometimes, it's as simple as not being able to say no. Whether it's no to working overtime, no to plans when I don't feel up for it or no choosing to wallow instead of doing something about it. Sometimes saying no can make you happy. You're allowing yourself to make the choice that will make you happiest. But whether it's obligation or frustration or whatever the case may be, sometimes we say yes instead and then, sometimes, wonder why we don't feel quite so happy anymore.

For example, Monday night I got home from class and settled in with my cat, Margarita, to watch some tivo'd shows and eat dinner. I realized while watching the new (and amazing) show Smashed, that nothing would make me happier in that moment than relaxing on my couch with Margarita curled up in my lap watching my newest favorite show. In that moment I was more content than I've felt in longer than I can remember. And I will hold on to that as a starting point for where to go from here.

After starting this new year off in a less than stellar fashion and spending the past month and half trying to figure out just what is going on with my life and why it's gotten so complicated, I figured something out. I need to do some serious investigations. Clearly priorities have gotten out of whack. I haven't spent nearly enough time dealing with myself. And i certainly have not asked myself nearly enough what will make me happy; happy in that moment, happy for the day, happy for my life.

So this is the experiment. Put me first. Get my priorities in order and spend serious time finding out what parts I need to make my whole happiness.